You know the deal. We’ve all been there. You’re sitting at home fapping to k-pop idols but you just can’t get into the groove this time – you’re having trouble maintaining your arousal. You fap harder, you try some lube, you try your other hand, but it’s no use. You’re in good physical condition, you’re not even tired… relaxing and giving up for the moment, you sit and think about your predicament. It becomes clear to to you that the problem is mental, not physical – after many years of fapping to k-pop videos and GIFs you’ve been finally desensitised to the coy, controlled, choreographed prancing and posing of you bias, and you need something more hardcore to keep your solo-libido going. However, you don’t want to fap to anyone but your bias…. because that would be like cheating… well, okay, not really… but you’re delusional, so there’s no talking to you.
NEVER FEAR – KPOPALYPSE IS HERE TO HELP!
Since we can’t have k-pop stars doing porn because Korean laws are a super-conservative killjoy, I’ve taken the trouble of finding for you six lookalikes that you can search up on porn sites and use as a fap substitute while still keeping your mind clean and pure with thoughts of only your precious bias (assuming you bias is one of these six, but then, these six idols are pretty fucking smoking hot, so it probably is*). These lookalikes definitely don’t have the same body types, but they do have similar faces. Or maybe they don’t. Whatever. It’s a k-pop porn post – why are you complaining?
There’s plenty of people these days who know all about the voice and the physiology of singing. I guess the obsession with vocal knowledge is the cancer that idol TV shows (east and west) have inflicted on the world by continually treating music as a competition with measureable objective standards that don’t exist in reality instead of as an entertainment art. It’s one motherfucking boring topic that I couldn’t be fucked covering, but I know a lot of people love it and do cover it which is great because it saves me the trouble. However, how many people know about what happens after the voice leaves the throat and before it gets on a recording that you listen to? If you’ve ever wanted to know any of that shit, this post is for you (and if you didn’t, you can stop reading now and go fap to Girl’s Day videos, bye bye).
Thanks to everyone who filled out the Kpopalypse survey! The survey is now closed!
If you missed out don’t worry – the survey was extremely successful, there will probably be another in the future!
Once I’ve finished collecting and collating the massive amounts of survey responses, the results will be posted in a brand new post after the Easter livestream! Results will also be discussed during the stream!
Thanks to all readers for your continued support!
There’s an amazing shitstorm brewing about Hyoyeon and SNSD at the moment, which at this stage may or may not blow over, but I’m not going to write about it. After all, I’ve already written a post about how confirmation bias works so you should all know what’s really going on, plus every second post I’ve ever made ever has probably got some little dig in it about how fucking stupid netizens were about T-ara and about how equally stupid a lot of international k-pop fans were for going along with the rumours at the time instead of using some intelligence. So now it’s SNSD’s turn on the chopping block and I bet any Sones who vilified T-ara back then are now feeling appropriately stupid now that they get to experience the same situation from the other side. Here’s hoping they’ll learn something from the experience about not believing any old bullshit on the Internet. Probably not, though.
And that’s all I’ve got to say about that specific situation. Others will probably say more. However there’s something else at the root of this kind of thing which I believe is worth discussing – “cute” concepts.
K-pop excels at remaking entertainment from the west – some of the best k-pop songs are direct copies of western songs, and all k-pop is at the very least extremely western-influenced. So please enjoy this reconfiguration of a classic western tale, Kpopalypse style.
There have been some small changes to the blog, so here’s a “patch notes” style maintenance report for you to peruse while waiting for me to make my next proper post.
Yes, it’s the return of….
Once again I’m back to make you watch music videos of Korean groups that nobody outside of Korea (and maybe inside of Korea too) really gives a fuck about. Yay! You already know the rules, so without further ado let’s get started.
I’ve recently been alerted to the fact that some people think my k-pop blogging is “negative” and that I’m just hating on everything I can for cheap jokes and generally getting off on being a rude and unpleasant person. Gosh, what a strange perception. This is obviously untrue as clearly someone who genuinely hated k-pop wouldn’t spend so much time writing about it, so why are some people so easily confused about this?
Bear witness to the undeniable beauty that is After School/Orange Caramel’s Lizzy.
One of the most attractive women in k-pop, this resource of precious fap material is under threat.
I woke up today and notice that my viewcount had passed the 100,000 mark, so just dropping a quick note to say thanks to all my readers for the views! When I started this blog I had no idea it would be this popular. Sure, 100,000 is nothing in the grand scheme of k-pop blogs (to put it in perspective, Anti Kpop-Fangirl hit 10 million views recently and other more mainstream k-pop sites would have many times more than this) but it’s still a hell of a lot more than I thought would ever look at my writing! So thanks for your patronage – keep visiting and I’ll keep adding content! That’s all for now!